i’m a big therapy guy
i have been in therapy for 4 consecutive years now. i started fall of 2019, somehow managed to find a perfect-for-me therapist, and my co-pay is $15 per visit. privileged as fuck and grateful for this gift every friday at 2 pm when i inevitably walk in 2 minutes late carrying an iced latte. (SORRY LUV U SHAUNA)
some people say looking inward for too long makes you self-absorbed. little do they know, the thing that actually makes me self-absorbed is my lack of self-esteem. i digress.
there are certain lessons that take longer to sink all the way in for me. but when they do - they click like the final piece of a puzzle and i can see everything so clearly. the full view. that’s the phase of therapy i am in right now. we sifted through all the trauma and now there’s an opportunity to look at the ways i am operating that are all mine to own. and all mine to shift toward something more productive for the kind of life i want.
it’s funny to me that i pivoted to a career designing around empathy (UX/UI) when i am deeply lacking empathy for myself. and even others at times. operating in the social media social justice world made me so hard - so judgmental. desperate to not be making mistakes so i put a microscope to everyone else looking for a crack. chalked up any differing opinion from mine to bigotry or hatred. many times that may have been true. many times i’m sure it was far from it.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS MIRROR. HOLD IT UP. TAKE A LOOK. FEEL THE FORGIVENESS OF SELF. LET IT WASH OVER. MOVE ON KNOWING BETTER.
anyway, that’s what i’m currently learning lol
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